There is something we all have in common. It is without a doubt the thing that each of us longs for more than anything else. We begin life longing even deeply needing it. It is fundamental to our feelings of safety and our very own survival. As infants, it is imperative that we feel it.

What is this powerful thing that ties each of us together?

Each of us longs for and requires, drumroll please… unconditional love and acceptance! Specifically, what we need from our first breath is the love and acceptance of our mother. However, not every child receives this feeling of unconditional love and acceptance. We do not always receive the unconditional love, security and safety we so desperately need from our mothers.

Do you struggle with a strained relationship with your Mother?

Maybe, try as you might you just can’t get to that place of peaceful love and acceptance with her.

Can we recover from and even thrive despite not feeling a sense of unconditional love and acceptance from the person who gave us life?

Maybe buying a Mother’s Day gift feels at best obligatory for you? Or perhaps you’re sweating it, wondering if you’ll be criticized, rejected or make the wrong choice.

Mother’s Day advertises images of happy families and loving Mothers. Yet this is not every person’s reality.

In fact, according to childhelp.org a report of child abuse is made every 10 seconds. Abuse comes in so many forms. It is more than just the physical violence and hurtful touch a child may experience?  It is also verbal and emotional neglect and mistreatment? Quite often we brush aside our own feelings and make light of beatings or hurtful things that were said to us as children. However, mistreatment and not feeling a sense of unconditional love, safety and love from our caregivers sets us up for some subconscious behaviors and feelings that can impact the rest of our lives.As a Clinical Hypnotherapist, I see how not having this strong parental bond can have lifelong impacts on personal peace, self-esteem and wellness.

So is there any way to undo the pain and beliefs that can form from poor parenting?

Yes, and it involves that thing we have been looking for since we arrived here, unconditional love. Learning to love ourselves unconditionally first and foremost. But how can we learn to fully accept ourselves and ultimately become the mother to our own inner child?

Below are some key areas to begin to focus on to help deliver yourself to the emotional freedom you may greatly desire. We can’t change the past, we can’t change others, and we can’t get something that someone else does not have the ability or resources to give to us. However, we can in this moment realize that no one is giving us our feelings.

So how do we begin to find a way to feel differently about our mother, ourselves and the world around us?

1. Become aware of your inner dialogue. You are not your thoughts? What? That is to say that little critical voice or critical sense of self you feel is not really who you are. So begin to notice how you are treating yourself. If you were raised by a highly critical or an abusive mother, well chances are that voice and those expectations are continuing to run like an old record in your subconscious. However, you can change it! Yes because you can observe it you can begin to reframe it, to interrupt it and to create a new record that reminds you just how loveable you truly are.

2. Find a path to forgiveness. Yes, I agree that is easier said than done. Forgiveness not only for those that hurt us but forgiveness of ourselves for anything we think we may have done. In fact, sometimes we even say we forgive with our conscious mind yet, a small part of us still feels the hurt, anger and pain. Understand this, the way a parent treats a child is almost always the way they feel about themselves. So if mom was critical and called you stupid or fat or whatever else, this is truly how she felt about herself. The negative beliefs we carry about ourselves simply are not true. Much like a cold virus they have been passed down but now you know and you can begin a path towards healing.

3. Understand that everyone is doing their best. I know it’s hard to accept and even believe sometimes. Especially, when we see horrific events and even our own experiences. However, it is worth considering that when we have more resources we can make better decisions. When we feel loved and accepted unconditionally, the side effect is inner peace. I do not imagine anyone experiencing inner peace is capable of harming another.

This Mother’s Day it might help to imagine your mother as the child she once was. After all, it was the inner child inside her driving and directing her actions, reactions and behaviors as well.

Can you find some compassion not only for your mother but for yourself as well?

A part of us will always long for unconditional love and acceptance. But there is truly only one place we can turn to fulfill that need and that is by loving and accepting ourselves fully and completely. Yep, I know easier said than done. There isn’t much an apology and a declaration of love will not fix in this world. Start with yourself and consider branching out from there.

Maybe you’re ready for personal change or maybe you are already a parent who isn’t always resting easy at night when reflecting on your treatment of your children? Wherever you are on your life’s path if you are ready to have more joy, inner peace, better relationships and above all else experience a sense of unconditional love consider asking for a little help to get started or keep you on your path. Consider seeking out a qualified Hypnotherapist with State Licensed Training and over 550 hours or start with energy, sound or shamanic work. Books and Talk Therapy and especially cognitive behavioral therapy is a terrific starting point as well.

So this mother’s day, try a new perspective by being more compassionate towards yourself. This compassion will then be passed on to all that you come in contact with. We all have a mother and if you take care of anything living, a cat, a dog and even a plant, you are also providing unconditional loving mother energy to another. Happy Mother’s day! Learn more about our energetic connection to our Mother’s here.

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